When to Pee During “Avengers: Endgame” SPOILER FREE

People are FREAKING OUT over the fact that “Avengers: Endgame” has over a three-hour run time without including previews. Any fan of Peter Jackson is obvious scoffing at this, but I digress…

In case you forgot all the other times in your life that you didn’t have to pee within a three hour window, I took the risk of spoiling the latest addition to the Marvel Cinematic Universe for myself to scour a few sites and find the best times to head to the rest room. Here they are, and you’re welcome:

Your first chance is about 30 minutes into the film when the San Francisco title card comes on screen. This scene focuses on [REDACTED] piecing together plot points that the audience is already familiar with, so you won’t miss much aside from seeing this character’s reaction to the current state of things.

Next, at about 55 minutes in, we learn what Hawkeye/Ronin has been up to in a Japan scene. Thanks to commercials, we already knew Jeremy Renner’s character was going to be joining back up with Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. Some would argue that you’re not missing much here, though Hawkeye fans might disagree.

Right after that around 1 hour and 3 minutes into “Endgame” back at Avengers HQ, you’ll get a recap about what the Infinity Stones are. Hang back if you really need the refresher, otherwise this funny scene isn’t really telling you anything you don’t already know. It’s said this is the best 15 minute window to take a tinkle.

Then Thor and Rocket go somewhere  together 1 hour and 10 minutes in (the location itself is a spoiler) but there’s a couple minutes of inconsequential banter, so this is a good time to to hit the head.

Your last good chance at a bathroom break is when a car will drive by and cut to New Jersey. It’s a nostalgia bomb scene, so it’s an easy one to piece together if you miss a couple of minutes. It’ll happen at the 1 hour and 40 minutes mark.

After this scene, THERE ARE NO GOOD TIMES TO LEAVE THE THEATRE.

The climatic final hour of the movie is critically important — so at that point you’re leaving your seat at your own risk. My opinion would be just to hold it and suffer. If you can survive to the credits, you’re good as apparently the movie doesn’t have a post-credits scene. Though I’ll believe that when I see it for myself.

And with that, you and your bladder are as prepared as you can be to see “Avengers: Endgame.” Enjoy, and remember that Thanos STILL demands your silence, so no spoiling it for anyone!